bobquasit: (Sebastian Riding)
We made these videos a few weeks ago, before he caught pneumonia. On the plus side, the antibiotic IV he got in the hospital cleared up that lip infection, too.

It's probably obvious that these were totally unscripted?

We're coming along nicely on The Return of the King, now. Merry is about to meet Dernhelm soon. Just for the record, he hasn't seen the movies at all - thank goodness!

Silly mood

Jul. 8th, 2009 09:54 am
bobquasit: (Default)
A question was asked on Askville today:

"why does my dell laptop not recognize my 4gb integral flash drive"

My answer:
Because they haven't been properly introduced.

You need to set up a formal dinner or cocktail party - RSVP, of course - and invite both of them to come. During the evening, escort the flash drive over to the laptop and say "Mr. Laptop, may I introduce Miss Flash Drive? Miss Flash Drive, may I introduce Mr. Laptop? I think you two have a lot in common."

Then discretely slip away to give them a chance to get better acquainted.

Come to think of it, I may have confused the genders. Yes, my mistake; considering who plugs in to whom, it would be Mr. Flash Drive and Miss Laptop. Sorry for the error!

(Yes, I'm very bored this morning. :D )

Funny word

Mar. 5th, 2009 09:40 am
bobquasit: (Default)
For some reason, the word "miscegenation" always makes me chuckle.
bobquasit: (Default)
One of the most common questions on Askville (and I'll spare you the poor spelling and/or textspeak) is "I had unprotected sex and my period is late. Could I be pregnant?"

I couldn't resist answering one guy (in the discussion board) who asked if his girlfriend could be pregnant:

Yes, she's pregnant. It's triplets, two boys and one girl. All three have brown eyes; one of the boys will grow to 6'2", and the other will be exactly 6 feet tall. The girl will be 5'7", and left-handed. Her favorite flavor of ice cream will be rocky road, while the boys will both prefer chocolate.


Look, we don't know. We CAN'T know. Have her take a test or see her OB/GYN.

And now I'm struggling not to post a question of my own:
I had sex and didn't use birth control. I haven't had my period...ever. Could I be pregnant?

P.S. I am male.
bobquasit: (Default)
My silliness this morning is spilling out of the political arena. In response to a question about what physical and emotional qualities men like in a woman, I wrote this:

As everyone else has already pointed out, not all guys are the same. Personally, though, I have to say that a good smile will always grab my attention. As will a friendly, cheerful disposition.

And of course she has to have a good rack.

KIDDING! Jeeze, I'm in a really silly mood today. That's not like me at all (the "rack" thing, not the silliness).

Seriously, as far as physical stuff goes, different guys like different things. Since all sexual attraction is ultimately based on the possibility of reproduction, good health in general is always attractive.
bobquasit: (Default)
Someone on Askville asked if Joe Sixpack and Joe the Plumber were the same person. I couldn't resist:

Joe Sixpack is Jane Winebox's husband (she kept her maiden name). To Jane's shock, she eventually discovered that Joe Sixpack was having an affair with Joe the Plumber. So she shot them both, and took off on a cross-country road trip to find herself. On the way she picked up Jane Q. Public, a soccer mom who had recently gotten amnesia from being hit in the head with a flying cliche at a NASCAR rally.

They were relentlessly pursued by Sheriff John Law. After an exciting chase across flyover country in the heartland of the homeland, they all plunged into the Grand Canyon and died. Politicians everywhere came to their funeral. Tears flowed like rain...or rather, like wine and beer.

The End.

The Hobbit

Oct. 9th, 2008 07:48 pm
bobquasit: (Default)
Someone over on Askville asked a question today; it was for someone to basically write their homework for them, a book review of The Hobbit. Some users castigated the poor questioner, but I couldn't resist helping her. Here was my answer (quotes from her question are in boldface):

1) Give a summary of the plot.

The Hobbit is the story of a pocket-sized monster who is the friend of a boy named Ash. Together they roam the land, fighting other hobbits - who are also called hobémon - to see who is the best.

Evil Team Rocket shows up and causes all sorts of trouble, but the brave little hobbit defeats them by evolving into a new more powerful form and gnawing their heads off. Everyone lives happily ever after, except for Team Rocket, because they're dead.

The End.

2) What did the book make you think about?

Lime jello, for some reason. I really couldn't say why.

3) Discuss any overriding themes.

There are three great themes in The Hobbit:

"With great power comes great responsibility."

"Spread 'em. Take a deep breath. Cough."

"Do your own homework, or you'll end up wasting your life making silly comments on Askville."

4) Why you liked or did not like about the book.

I like it because it's just the right thickness to fit under the short leg on my bed. So now I can sleep straight again.

That should be all the info you need. Good luck! Wow, I'll bet you'll get a great grade.

Ironically enough, my answer to question #4 was itself pretty much a straight-out steal from the wonderfully funny The Portmanteau Book.


Aug. 8th, 2008 03:18 pm
bobquasit: (Default)
Hey! It's 08/08/08 today! For once, the US and Europe are synchronized, date-wise!


Apr. 4th, 2008 08:28 am
bobquasit: (Default)
Am I the only person here who had never heard of the G-Shot?

I just read an article about how the comedienne Margaret Cho had it done. Apparently it involves getting a needle full of collagen injected under the G-spot. It's supposed to make sex better, although apparently so far it hasn't worked that way for Cho.


I now have an extreme sense of sympathetic discomfort in my G-spot. Okay, yes, I know that as a man I don't have a G-spot. And to be honest, I'm not really all that clear about exactly where the G-spot is. That's unfortunate, because the sense of extreme sympathetic discomfort is sort of floating around amongst all the possible areas.

Gack. The things people DO to themselves! Between this and anal bleaching, I don't know whether to laugh or clutch myself in horror.

Fun Facts

Feb. 3rd, 2008 09:30 am
bobquasit: (Default)
Did you know that if you squeeze a cat rythmically while it's purring, you can increase the volume of the purrs considerably?

Not too hard, of course, or the purrs will stop.
bobquasit: (Mii)
...I'm a Blue Blaze Irregular. Really! I have copies of World Watch One and everything.

Or maybe that's not that surprising?
bobquasit: (Me)
...but I would love to see a "Talk like Gollum" Day.

Would it be popular? We wonders, precious, yess. We wonders.

Frperg Cbfg

Sep. 9th, 2005 08:48 pm
bobquasit: (Default)
This is my ninth post in a row without a single comment! Let's see how many more I can do. Then, I'll try to beat that record! Hmm, better hide this text or someone will pity-comment me. And just so it doesn't look too suspicious:
I never cared for Jello. Did you know that it's made out of boiled horse bones and hooves?

PS - rot13 rules!
bobquasit: (Default)
I don't know...I think I've been pushed over the deep end. This was SUCH a stupid question!

"me n my boyfriend want to take a shower together.. but we dont know what we should do... does anyone have any cool ideas of what to do in the shower????"

I'm tempted to answer something like ""Take the shower while you're both fully dressed. Press against opposite sides of the shower area so you don't accidentally touch each other. Avert your eyes in shame."

Of course it's probably just a troll.
bobquasit: (Me)
Teri and I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today, and it wasn't bad. Certainly a surprising characterization from Johnny Depp. There was more than a little Ed Wood in his portrayal. I must say, I was surprised that he made Willy Wonka so exageratedly American. I mean, he almost sounded like Benny Hill or Monty Python doing an "Amurrican" accent, if you know what I mean.

But it was pretty good. Deep Roy was a great Oompa-Loompa, the Elfman score was about as good as you could expect, and the added material - i.e. the flashbacks - weren't as bad as I expected them to be. And I was simply amazed at how young Christopher Lee looks, when he's not made up to look 117 as Saruman or Count Doody (or whatever the hell his name was - I didn't watch that movie).

Anyway, earlier or later that day - I forget - Teri and I were driving in the car, and I felt like singing. That happens a lot. Usually, Teri turns on the radio at that point, or Sebastian asks her to put in one of his CDs.

I should mention that I have a weird memory for lyrics. I mean, my memory is really good for most things anyway, but for lyrics it surprises even me.

Maybe it was the kid-movie-connection, I don't know. But suddenly I sang,

"If I could talk to the animals, just imagine it,
What a neat achievement that would be.
If I could walk with the animals, talk with the animals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals,
And they could squeak and squawk and speak and talk to MEEEEE!"

Sebastian wasn't with us, and Teri just kind of rolled her eyes.

"That's from Doctor Dolittle," I explained.

"Oh?" she said, probably hoping I wouldn't elucidate.

"Yes," I said, getting into the topic, "not those terrible modern versions with Eddie Murphy, but the old one with Rex Harrison. Although I remember reading that that wasn't a good version, either. You know I'm a big fan of the Doctor Dolittle books, right?"

"Yes, I know."

"Yes, I - " I suddenly realized that I was about to tell her all about the outrage of the Dolittle books being censored (I'd run across another example last week), and that she'd CERTAINLY heard all that before from me, in nauseating detail, several dozen times over. So I switched gears.

"Did you know that they filmed that version with live animals? I mean, real live animals?" I asked. I must have read that in a book somewhere, since I certainly never saw much of the movie.

"Really?" She sounded interested. Without warning, my brain entered a parallel universe.

"Yes," I went on glibly, "well, that is, they were alive when they started filming. By the time they were done, they were all dead."

At which point I couldn't help cracking up. Fortunately she did, too. At least a bit.

I imagine that life with me is rather entertaining sometimes.
bobquasit: (Default)
I couldn't let this day pass without a mention.

It's May 5, 2005!

No, not Cinco de Mayo. Well, it is, but that's not the point.

It's 05/05/05. How rare is that?

Happy 05/05/05!


Feb. 2nd, 2005 08:59 am
bobquasit: (Default)
RoboFoot. Who is he? What is he? And where does he come from?

Is he a fearless crime-fighting machine?

No! He's me. For some reason my left shoe now thinks it's hydraulic, or something. Every step I take, it lets out a distinct "whoosh-sss" noise, making me sound very much like RoboCop.

Or possibly the ED-209.

Which makes me feel very strange as I walk down the hallway.
bobquasit: (Default)
There's a travel agency that I pass every day on my commute. They've got a marquee of sorts in front of their place. One side has a commercial on it ("Tired? Take a cruise!"), but the other side usually features some sort of riddle.

They post the riddle for a week or so, and then add the answer for another week.

Some of the riddles (I'm guessing) come out of books. Some of them are made up by someone who works there, though, because they're about local towns. Here are a couple I remember (which of course aren't about local towns). I'll put the answer in white font, so just select the blank areas or hit Ctrl-A to see them:

Q: What car crosses rivers?
A: Ford

Q: What city is a thin hornet?
A: Nairobi ("narrow bee", get it? Hey, I didn't write it!)

In that spirit, here's a lame riddle of my own. Only Massachusetts residents are likely to have any chance of guessing it. Sorry!

Q: What city is an expired pig?


bobquasit: (Default)

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