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Bullying
Here's a comment I made on a discussion board over on Askville about bullying - both in the real world, and online.
Bullying online and bullying in the real world are not comparable. Online, most people are subject to something like "road rage"; they'll say things that they'd never say face-to-face. On the other hand, real-world bulling often includes physical violence, which is a lot harder to ignore than harsh words!
As someone who experienced more real-world bullying than most in school (I was beaten up at *least* once a day), I can say with some authority that ignoring it doesn't work. Fighting back does work, but only if you're at least half-way competent at fighting back; unfortunately, I wasn't. I did manage to learn a judo trick and throw one bully several times, after which I got respect for about a week...until the other bullies figured out that I hadn't learned anything else.
I also got some respect for a few days after I threw a boy across a room. Again, it didn't last.
*Ignoring* them just encouraged them, however. And telling the teachers made it worse, too - the bullies would always get revenge, and the teachers were helpless to enforce discipline (and there were a few who were actually on the bullies' *side*!).
I can't speak for anyone else, but what finally worked for me was simply not being willing to play the role of the terrified victim any more. I remember being approached by one bully, one of the crazier ones, and defiantly telling him that sure, he could beat me up, but I didn't give a damn and wasn't going to cower. I'd gone a little crazy, to be honest; being beaten up every day for years can do that to you.
He was a little taken aback. I wasn't giving off the right signals. And as I recall, I was never beaten up again.
As for online bullying...if you're at all bright, it's usually easy to fight back. It helps to think and develop insight into the motivations of the bullies. I remember not long ago one *astonishingly* offensive person here on Askville; he was so rude and over the top that I was literally stunned, and quite upset for a little while.
Then I asked myself "Why is he doing this?" And it occurred to me that this was the only way he had to avoid responding to my arguments. So I simply posted "X is trying SO hard to make this personal. I wonder why?", and he disappeared from the thread.
I found that very satisfying.
Bullying online and bullying in the real world are not comparable. Online, most people are subject to something like "road rage"; they'll say things that they'd never say face-to-face. On the other hand, real-world bulling often includes physical violence, which is a lot harder to ignore than harsh words!
As someone who experienced more real-world bullying than most in school (I was beaten up at *least* once a day), I can say with some authority that ignoring it doesn't work. Fighting back does work, but only if you're at least half-way competent at fighting back; unfortunately, I wasn't. I did manage to learn a judo trick and throw one bully several times, after which I got respect for about a week...until the other bullies figured out that I hadn't learned anything else.
I also got some respect for a few days after I threw a boy across a room. Again, it didn't last.
*Ignoring* them just encouraged them, however. And telling the teachers made it worse, too - the bullies would always get revenge, and the teachers were helpless to enforce discipline (and there were a few who were actually on the bullies' *side*!).
I can't speak for anyone else, but what finally worked for me was simply not being willing to play the role of the terrified victim any more. I remember being approached by one bully, one of the crazier ones, and defiantly telling him that sure, he could beat me up, but I didn't give a damn and wasn't going to cower. I'd gone a little crazy, to be honest; being beaten up every day for years can do that to you.
He was a little taken aback. I wasn't giving off the right signals. And as I recall, I was never beaten up again.
As for online bullying...if you're at all bright, it's usually easy to fight back. It helps to think and develop insight into the motivations of the bullies. I remember not long ago one *astonishingly* offensive person here on Askville; he was so rude and over the top that I was literally stunned, and quite upset for a little while.
Then I asked myself "Why is he doing this?" And it occurred to me that this was the only way he had to avoid responding to my arguments. So I simply posted "X is trying SO hard to make this personal. I wonder why?", and he disappeared from the thread.
I found that very satisfying.