Behind the curtain

[bobquasit]

Since 41° 59' , -71° 31', rising was such a failure (so far, no one who has read it has gotten it), I'm going to do something that a writer should never do, and explain. Then maybe someone can tell me where I went wrong.

Although the story is first-person, I'll call the narrator "him", if you don't mind.

The dream effects happen in the pre-dawn light. The moment the sun rises, the effects end.

In the final section, the narrator gets what he always wanted - the ability to fly. But he realizes that this, too, will end with sunrise.

Nonetheless, he goes straight up. When the sunlight touches him, the effect will end and he will fall to the earth.

He'll die, of course. And I hoped that it was clear that he knew that.

As for why he chooses to die...that's for the reader to decide, I guess. But since nobody got the damned story, I guess it doesn't matter.

So it goes.

Comments

[dancing-kiralee.livejournal.com]

I got it. But the tittle was so obscure that I thought I'd missed something.

It is, by the way, a good piece. I really like the part about being a 9 year old kid, and how the narrator reacted to it - and reacted to losing it. It sets up the final sequence really well.

If you want to make the ending more obvious, give a few more details about how he achieves flight. If the mechanism doesn't invoke flying well, you can use negation and describe what the mechanism isn't ("No wings, I just float..." only your writing is a lot more elegant.)

Don't be any more specific about the narrator's emotional state. With this kind of thing you want it to be understated.

Kiralee

[bobquasit.livejournal.com]

The title...my working title was "Dreams Come True", but that was too obvious; I never intended that to be the final title.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to come up with anything decent to replace it, so finally I took the latitude and longitude of Woonsocket. Best I could do.

Although for my own sake I'm saying that the narrator isn't me, of course the dreams are basically all mine, and it's rather an emotional story for me. Describing the flight mechanism...that might be difficult. Your description wasn't bad, actually, but the truth is that although I've flown in many ways in my dreams (including, one time, with enormous angel wings), the most common way by far is...it seems to be an expression of willpower. I will myself to fly.

And in many of my dreams my will fails, and I fall back to earth after rising only a few feet. I think that expresses some basic lack of confidence on my part, actually.

I don't know...I'll think about it. You're certainly right that I have to be careful not to over-explain, or else the whole thing would be even worse than it is now. :(

[wingedbard.livejournal.com]

I missed the original piece, sadly my reading time isn't what it used to be. Very well done, though I'd have to say I don't quite agree with what I took as the theme - when your greatest dreams come true, what else is there - but that is probably just my extrapolation.

I do like the piece.

[bobquasit.livejournal.com]

Thanks; I'm glad you liked it. I'm not at all sure that the theme is that when your dreams come true, there's nothing else. It might rather be that your greatest dream is worth any price.

But the whole thing gets a bit uncomfortable for me; dicey territory, as it were. Fortunately, I'm feeling much better now. :D