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Update
Just in case anyone's wondering...
I haven't written much lately because there's been an event that I don't want to talk about right now. It's left things very uncertain for us, and it has been very upsetting. We'll know more soon. But it has made it hard for me to talk about anything, to be honest.
A few random notes in the meantime:
Happy Father's Day to every father on my flist. How many fathers are there, I wonder?
For Father's Day I got a beautiful card from Sebastian, as well as some dinosaur foam sticker-art arranged nicely on a page. I also got a new Weber grill and some other really nice gifts. What I treasured most were lots of hugs and kisses from my little boy, though.
Sebastian played in his next-to-last soccer game of the season on Saturday. He'd been awful at Thursday's practice - kept lying down on the field, came in last in every race, and was so fresh to Teri and me that she ended up dragging him off the field and taking him straight home - but at the game he tried really hard. He kicked the ball several times, and even took it part-way down the field once. I was quite proud.
I'd be remiss if I didn't wish![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
happypete a happy birthday. Though for some reason that seems redundant. :)
Last week we finished assembling Sebastian's new swing set. Just to be clear, most of the work was done by Teri and her mother while I was at work. Sebastian loves it.
Once it was done I chopped up Sebastian's old swing with a Tiger Saw - a frightening and jarring experience - and the trash people took it away. I hated chopping it up, but Teri insisted. And I had to admit that it wasn't safe any more.
Late last week I had a moment of terrible - well, "insight" is the only word I can come up with, but I don't want to use that word. It implies truth, and I don't want to believe this. In fact, I want to forget it as quickly as possible. It has been fading, but not quickly enough. Don't ask me why I'm writing about it here.
Anyway, a powerful thought struck me. It suddenly seemed that the world was full of nothing but children who were faced with a future of aging, disease, pain, and inevitable death. Billions of children, every human being, born sweet and innocent and yet doomed to the humiliating and painful failure of their bodies - and worse, doomed to the foreknowlege of that doom. It was very much like a vision of hell.
As I said, I'd like to forget it. And yes, if you were wondering, I had that vision after we had our upsetting news.
I haven't written much lately because there's been an event that I don't want to talk about right now. It's left things very uncertain for us, and it has been very upsetting. We'll know more soon. But it has made it hard for me to talk about anything, to be honest.
A few random notes in the meantime:
Happy Father's Day to every father on my flist. How many fathers are there, I wonder?
For Father's Day I got a beautiful card from Sebastian, as well as some dinosaur foam sticker-art arranged nicely on a page. I also got a new Weber grill and some other really nice gifts. What I treasured most were lots of hugs and kisses from my little boy, though.
Sebastian played in his next-to-last soccer game of the season on Saturday. He'd been awful at Thursday's practice - kept lying down on the field, came in last in every race, and was so fresh to Teri and me that she ended up dragging him off the field and taking him straight home - but at the game he tried really hard. He kicked the ball several times, and even took it part-way down the field once. I was quite proud.
I'd be remiss if I didn't wish
happypete a happy birthday. Though for some reason that seems redundant. :)Last week we finished assembling Sebastian's new swing set. Just to be clear, most of the work was done by Teri and her mother while I was at work. Sebastian loves it.
Once it was done I chopped up Sebastian's old swing with a Tiger Saw - a frightening and jarring experience - and the trash people took it away. I hated chopping it up, but Teri insisted. And I had to admit that it wasn't safe any more.
Late last week I had a moment of terrible - well, "insight" is the only word I can come up with, but I don't want to use that word. It implies truth, and I don't want to believe this. In fact, I want to forget it as quickly as possible. It has been fading, but not quickly enough. Don't ask me why I'm writing about it here.
Anyway, a powerful thought struck me. It suddenly seemed that the world was full of nothing but children who were faced with a future of aging, disease, pain, and inevitable death. Billions of children, every human being, born sweet and innocent and yet doomed to the humiliating and painful failure of their bodies - and worse, doomed to the foreknowlege of that doom. It was very much like a vision of hell.
As I said, I'd like to forget it. And yes, if you were wondering, I had that vision after we had our upsetting news.
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Let me know how everything is going with that if you want to talk about it, obv I can empathise, having bp and kids myself. *hugs* Hope you are coping okay.
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We just have to wait until we get some answers later this week. And then...well, we'll have to deal with whatever the answers are.
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Ugh. My will to live has just faded away.
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