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Bush Press Conference Transcript, Part II
Transcript of President Bush's news conference on April 13, 2004. Part 2.
Now is the time and Iraq is the place in which the enemies of the civilized world are testing the will of the civilized world [and I think we've got those civilized bastards on the ropes]. We must not waver. The violence we are seeing in Iraq is familiar [unless you grew up during the Clinton years]. The terrorist who takes hostages or plants a roadside bomb near Baghdad is serving the same ideology of murder that kills innocent people on trains in Madrid and murders children on buses in Jerusalem and blows up a nightclub in Bali and cuts the throat of a young reporter for being a Jew. [In your face, New York Times! Yeah, you can't stop me: Saddam, 9/11, Saddam, 9/11. I can say it all I want, and you can't stop me! Hahahaha! Proof? I got yer proof right here!] We've seen the same ideology of murder in the killing of 241 marines in Beirut [Come to think of it, Old Ron was pretty relaxed about security, too], the first attack on the World Trade Center, in the destruction of two embassies in Africa, in the attack on the U.S.S. Cole and in the merciless horror inflicted upon thousands of innocent men and women and children on Sept. 11, 2001. [9/11. 9/11. Nine-eleven, cha-cha! Nine-eleven, cha-cha!]
None of these acts is the work of a religion. [I, your Messiah, have spoken. So mote it be! Let the unbelievers be struck with locusts, and their women and children put to the sword!] All are the work of a fanatical political ideology [And yet they won't vote for me. Wierd!]. The servants of this ideology seek tyranny in the Middle East and beyond. They seek to oppress and persecute women [Heh heh heh]. They seek the death of Jews and Christians and every Muslim who desires peace over theocratic terror. They seek to intimidate America into panic and retreat, and to set free nations against each other. And they seek weapons of mass destruction to blackmail and murder on a massive scale. [Weapons of mass destruction! Weapons of mass destruction!]
Over the last several decades, we've seen that any concession or retreat on our part will only embolden this enemy and invite more bloodshed. [By which I mean to clearly imply, Bill Clinton gave Ossama blow jobs right here in the Oval Office! Wait a minute, I'm not in the Oval Office.] And the enemy has seen over the last 31 months that we will no longer live in denial or seek to appease them. [Instead, we will help them to increase their recruitment efforts a thousandfold.] For the first time, the civilized world [that is, me] has provided a concerted response to the ideology of terror, a series of powerful, effective blows [and I'm hung like a mule]. The terrorists have lost the shelter of the Taliban and the training camps in Afghanistan [well, for a few months, anyway]. They've lost safe havens in Pakistan. They lost an ally in Baghdad [His name was Abdullah, and he was Saddam's pool boy and a secret agent for Al Qaeda. Lucky we blew him up, or he might have killed ol' Saddam before we could have worked up all that great spider hole footage.], and Libya has turned its back on terror. They've lost many leaders in an unrelenting international manhunt [So many that we've actually had to start re-killing the ones we already claimed to have killed]. And perhaps most frightening to these men and their movement, the terrorists are seeing the advance of freedom and reform in the greater Middle East. [Must...keep...straight...face...]
A desperate enemy is also a dangerous enemy, and our work may become more difficult before it is finished. No one can predict all the hazards that lie ahead or the costs they will bring [but if they try again, I will make sure to classify their reports before I have them fired or sent to Guantanamo. Ah, sweet Guantanamo...].
Yet in this conflict there is no safe alternative to resolute action. [We all know that anything other than naked force is a total waste of time, as Jesus would say.] The consequences of failure in Iraq would be unthinkable [because I can't think very well]. Every [stooge]friend of America in Iraq would be betrayed to prison and murder as a new tyranny arose. [Man, I am so looking forward to the day that I can do that here. Lock McCain in a tiger cage...sweet...] Every enemy of America in the world would celebrate, proclaiming our weakness and decadence, and using that victory to recruit a new generation of killers. [Unlike now, when Al Qaeda is totally out of recruits and desperate for personel, right?]
We will succeed in Iraq. We're carrying out a decision that has already been made and will not change. [L'etat, c'est moi.] Iraq will be a [permanent US military base and gas station]free, independent country. And [Halliburton, Dad, Uncle Dick, me, and all the gang] America and the Middle East will be [richer] safer because of it. Our coalition has the means and the will to prevail. [As long as Blair knows what's good for him.] We serve the cause of [money] liberty and that is always and everywhere a cause worth serving.
Questions and Answers
Q. Mr. President, April is turning into the deadliest month in Iraq since the fall of Baghdad, and some people are comparing Iraq to Vietnam and talking about a quagmire. Polls show that support for your policy is declining and that fewer than half Americans now support it. What does that say to you and how do you answer the Vietnam comparison?
A. [Take your last look at the White House, pal, because you just lost your job.] Yeah, I think the analogy is false. I also happen to think that analogy is — sends the wrong message to our troops and sends the wrong message to the enemy. [You are a traitor. That's right, as soon as I get back to my desk you're on the top of my list of enemy combatants. Enjoy Guantanamo!]
Look, this is hard work. [Sigh. Time to go to script #2.] It's hard to advance freedom in a country that has been strangled by tyranny. And yet, we must stay the course because the end result is in [my personal]our nation's interest. A secure and free [thoroughly decimated] Iraq is an historic opportunity to [make a ton of money] change the world and [keep me in office forever, to boot]. A free Iraq in the midst of the Middle East will have incredible change. [They might even have change for a dollar, although not if Dick has anything to say about it. snicker]
It's hard [to spin out this answer for as long as I possibly can, but I'm going to give it the old Yale try]. Freedom is not easy to achieve [if I have anything to say about it]. I mean, it's — we had a little trouble in our country achieving freedom. [I saw that on Liberty's Kids.] And we've been there a year. ["We" meaning "anybody but me or anyone I actually care about", of course.] Terry, I know that seems like a long time. It seems like a long time to the loved ones whose troops have been overseas. [Those damn loved ones. Whine, whine, whine! They're almost as bad as the 9/11 widows. Why can't I ship them to Guantanamo?] But when you think about where the country has come from, it's a relatively short period of time. And we're making progress.
There's no question it's been a tough series of weeks for [my re-election. And memorizing all this crap for this conference has been really, really hard on me.]the American people. It's been really tough for the families. I [don't really give a shit, of course.] understand that. It's been tough on this administration. But we're doing the right thing. [Karl swears my poll numbers will be in the solid 60% range and trending upward by November.]
And as to whether or not I make decisions based upon polls, I don't. [Karl does, and he tells me what to do.] I just don't make decisions [, period. They're too boring.]that way. I fully understand the consequences of what we're doing. [I'll be President for life and will own the world.] We're changing the world [into an flaming wasteland of fire and smog. Except in my personal bio-dome, of course]. And the world will be better off. [You poor people don't have much to live for anyway, living in those filthy holes and eating that crap that you eat and all. Filthy animals. You should be grateful to have the chance to vote for your betters!] And America [I] will be more secure as a result of the actions we're taking.
To be continued?
Now is the time and Iraq is the place in which the enemies of the civilized world are testing the will of the civilized world [and I think we've got those civilized bastards on the ropes]. We must not waver. The violence we are seeing in Iraq is familiar [unless you grew up during the Clinton years]. The terrorist who takes hostages or plants a roadside bomb near Baghdad is serving the same ideology of murder that kills innocent people on trains in Madrid and murders children on buses in Jerusalem and blows up a nightclub in Bali and cuts the throat of a young reporter for being a Jew. [In your face, New York Times! Yeah, you can't stop me: Saddam, 9/11, Saddam, 9/11. I can say it all I want, and you can't stop me! Hahahaha! Proof? I got yer proof right here!] We've seen the same ideology of murder in the killing of 241 marines in Beirut [Come to think of it, Old Ron was pretty relaxed about security, too], the first attack on the World Trade Center, in the destruction of two embassies in Africa, in the attack on the U.S.S. Cole and in the merciless horror inflicted upon thousands of innocent men and women and children on Sept. 11, 2001. [9/11. 9/11. Nine-eleven, cha-cha! Nine-eleven, cha-cha!]
None of these acts is the work of a religion. [I, your Messiah, have spoken. So mote it be! Let the unbelievers be struck with locusts, and their women and children put to the sword!] All are the work of a fanatical political ideology [And yet they won't vote for me. Wierd!]. The servants of this ideology seek tyranny in the Middle East and beyond. They seek to oppress and persecute women [Heh heh heh]. They seek the death of Jews and Christians and every Muslim who desires peace over theocratic terror. They seek to intimidate America into panic and retreat, and to set free nations against each other. And they seek weapons of mass destruction to blackmail and murder on a massive scale. [Weapons of mass destruction! Weapons of mass destruction!]
Over the last several decades, we've seen that any concession or retreat on our part will only embolden this enemy and invite more bloodshed. [By which I mean to clearly imply, Bill Clinton gave Ossama blow jobs right here in the Oval Office! Wait a minute, I'm not in the Oval Office.] And the enemy has seen over the last 31 months that we will no longer live in denial or seek to appease them. [Instead, we will help them to increase their recruitment efforts a thousandfold.] For the first time, the civilized world [that is, me] has provided a concerted response to the ideology of terror, a series of powerful, effective blows [and I'm hung like a mule]. The terrorists have lost the shelter of the Taliban and the training camps in Afghanistan [well, for a few months, anyway]. They've lost safe havens in Pakistan. They lost an ally in Baghdad [His name was Abdullah, and he was Saddam's pool boy and a secret agent for Al Qaeda. Lucky we blew him up, or he might have killed ol' Saddam before we could have worked up all that great spider hole footage.]
A desperate enemy is also a dangerous enemy, and our work may become more difficult before it is finished. No one can predict all the hazards that lie ahead or the costs they will bring [but if they try again, I will make sure to classify their reports before I have them fired or sent to Guantanamo. Ah, sweet Guantanamo...].
Yet in this conflict there is no safe alternative to resolute action. [We all know that anything other than naked force is a total waste of time, as Jesus would say.] The consequences of failure in Iraq would be unthinkable [because I can't think very well]. Every [stooge]
We will succeed in Iraq. We're carrying out a decision that has already been made and will not change. [L'etat, c'est moi.] Iraq will be a [permanent US military base and gas station]
Questions and Answers
Q. Mr. President, April is turning into the deadliest month in Iraq since the fall of Baghdad, and some people are comparing Iraq to Vietnam and talking about a quagmire. Polls show that support for your policy is declining and that fewer than half Americans now support it. What does that say to you and how do you answer the Vietnam comparison?
A. [Take your last look at the White House, pal, because you just lost your job.] Yeah, I think the analogy is false. I also happen to think that analogy is — sends the wrong message to our troops and sends the wrong message to the enemy. [You are a traitor. That's right, as soon as I get back to my desk you're on the top of my list of enemy combatants. Enjoy Guantanamo!]
Look, this is hard work. [Sigh. Time to go to script #2.] It's hard to advance freedom in a country that has been strangled by tyranny. And yet, we must stay the course because the end result is in [my personal]
It's hard [to spin out this answer for as long as I possibly can, but I'm going to give it the old Yale try]. Freedom is not easy to achieve [if I have anything to say about it]. I mean, it's — we had a little trouble in our country achieving freedom. [I saw that on Liberty's Kids.] And we've been there a year. ["We" meaning "anybody but me or anyone I actually care about", of course.] Terry, I know that seems like a long time. It seems like a long time to the loved ones whose troops have been overseas. [Those damn loved ones. Whine, whine, whine! They're almost as bad as the 9/11 widows. Why can't I ship them to Guantanamo?] But when you think about where the country has come from, it's a relatively short period of time. And we're making progress.
There's no question it's been a tough series of weeks for [my re-election. And memorizing all this crap for this conference has been really, really hard on me.]
And as to whether or not I make decisions based upon polls, I don't. [Karl does, and he tells me what to do.] I just don't make decisions [, period. They're too boring.]
To be continued?