Talking to Telemarketers

[bobquasit]

A couple of weeks ago the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is John X. How're you doing? Listen, I just wanted to tell you, I'm not a telemarketer."

? "Um...that's good..."

"But I think my company can save you a lot of money on your mortgage payments."

CLICK!

Last night the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi! I can help you publicize your website the right way!"

[Laughing] "Thanks, but my site is non-commercial and number one in its field."

CLICK!

I should have just hung up on that second one, but I couldn't resist the chance to boast.

Comments

[tprjones.livejournal.com]

I love telemarketing calls. They are so much FUN!

Sometimes I feel vaguely guilty for messing with their heads so much, but then I remember they're they ones that decided to stick their nose into my life, and I get over it.

[bobquasit.livejournal.com]

You mess with their heads? Got any recommended techniques?

[tprjones.livejournal.com]

Usually something comes to mind. It's all unscripted.

Off the top of my head, they generally fall into four categories. First is the fake emergency, where you put on a little performance of some sort for them. Then there's the quirky customer, where you pick some very strange extreme personality quirk and play it to the hilt during the conversation. Also fun is the countersell, where after they introduce themselves you tell them how glad you are they are calling because you have this excellent long-distance service you want to tell them about, or whatever. Finally, of course, is just the opportunity to occassionally blow off steam by treating them poorly to one degree or another, such as asking them to hold and never coming back or faking extreme Tourette's Syndrome. I don't do the last one very often, and usually only for the absolute worst of the callers when I'm in a really bad mood.

In general, I almost never stop the conversation, but carry it on as long as they are willing to put up with me. I figure every minute I keep them tied up I'm using up time when they would be bothering someone else not as easy to ammuse as myself.

[tcpip.livejournal.com]

Hey, you gotta give John X points for trying...

[bobquasit.livejournal.com]

The unusual thing about both of those calls is that they were A) not recordings, B) kind of clumsy - I suspect that they were new on the job, and C) clearly American. Most of the calls we get are recordings (or hangups), and of the remainder, the majority sound like they're calling from India.

I suspect that that the Indian call center and outsourcing phenomenon is greatly increasing anti-Indian racial prejudice in this country.

Is there a telemarketing problem in New Zealand?

[tcpip.livejournal.com]

Is there a telemarketing problem in New Zealand?

Not that I know of. And they have free local calls!