The Diary of A Simple Man

The phone rang today.

"Hi, this is Tom from [I forget the company name]. How are you?" He was very friendly-sounding and smooth. I'd never spoken to him before.

"...um..fine, thanks! How are you?" This was already starting to feel weird.

"I'm doing great, thanks! I'm calling to let you know that we're looking for an advertising house in your area, and you're qualified for a free wireless home security system."

"...we already have one."

"Great! Is it activated? Because the offer applies to activation too. We can set up a contract - "

"No, we're not interested in taking on another financial obligation, thanks - "

"I'm sure that once you discuss the plan with one of our specialists you'll find that it's very - "

"No, we're just not interested, so thanks but - "

"Just state your first and last name clearly so that the specialist can contact - "

He's still talking, but I've finally lost my temper. Still, I manage to be polite.

"NO! Please put us on your do-not-call list. Put us on your do-not-call list. I have to go now, goodbye!" CLICK.

You know what I'd like? Some way to play a recorded announcement when I pick up the phone and it turns out to be yet another charity asking for donations. I'd press a button, and my recorded voice would say "I'm sorry, but we do not accept solicitations via phone. Please note that we are on the national 'Do Not Call' list. We must regretfully insist that you add us to your own 'Do Not Call' list as well. Thank you."

In the last three days we've gotten a lot of calls from people claiming to be from an opinion survey. The first time, Sebastian picked up the phone. They asked him for someone named Andrew. He got confused, so I had him bring the phone to me. The guy on the phone sounded youngish and a little confused - I guess speaking to an eight-year-old unexpectedly can do that to you.

Anyway, he said he was from something like "Rhode Island Opinion Survey", and mumbled something. I love answering surveys, so I cheerfully said "Go ahead!".

He hung up on me.

An hour or two later, we got another call. An older and more confident-sounding guy. Said he was from Rhode Island Opinion Survey (or something like that), and asked to speak to someone named Andrew - I don't remember the last name. I said there was no such person here (and there isn't. And the previous owner wasn't named Andrew, and his last name was definitely NOT the same as the one they were asking for). So he apologized, and said he'd enter that information in the file.

We've received several calls since, all from the same survey company (or so they claim), all asking for Andrew, and all hanging up on us when we say he's not here. Teri just received two more. She told them that their was no Andrew here and they should stop calling. I don't believe that they WILL stop, though.

My best guess is that they're debt collectors who've been given a wrong number and are misrepresenting themselves (a Federal offense, I believe). What do you think?

Yesterday evening was odd; one of the very rare evenings that I didn't get to see Teri or Sebastian. They were going out with Teri's mother, so they left the car at the station for me.

I have to admit, I hate it when I don't get to see my little guy.

But there wasn't anything I could do about it, so I drove home for a quick dinner before the game.

As I was cooking, the phone rang. It was a woman who told me that her company was handling the remortgaging for all of Pleasant St. "We're on the Do Not Call list," I said, "so thanks anyway."

A little later, I was about to sit down to dinner when the phone rang again. The voice on the line was male, and sounded rather contemptuous.

"Yeah, is this Peter Maranci? I'm calling from the Rhode Island Police Safety Association. We-"

Now, there are few things I like LESS than the cops asking for me for money. I figure they owe ME at least $1,000 from crooked tickets; they once put up a "NO PARKING" sign directly in front of my house and ticketed my car, which had been legally parked at the time. And don't even get me STARTED about that moving violation (or whatever the hell it was) a few years ago! Traffic cops and the courts are corrupt as hell, particularly in Rhode Island - but probably everywhere.

Not to mention that they have never ONCE been able to help in ANY WAY when I've been a victim over the years...usually, they don't even pretend to be trying. And that time I was falsely arrested as a kid: they never even bothered to clear my record when I came to them with proof that I'd been at a piano lesson at the time of the crime, and the name of the kid who'd actually done it.

That's not to say that there isn't a single honest cop out there. I know there are, because I've met a few. But when I'm dealing with a cop that I don't know, my first instinct is NOT to trust them.

And this guy on the phone really pushed all my buttons. I find it EXTREMELY disturbing that every time a cop calls asking for money, they know my full name and address, and make sure to TELL me so. One time in Malden I was told to leave a check in the foyer of my house, and a cop would be around to pick it up soon. Smug, crooked, intimidating bastards!

So I told him we were on the Do Not Call list and hung up.

Hmm. Think I'll split the rest of my evening into a second post. Stay tuned!

A couple of weeks ago the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is John X. How're you doing? Listen, I just wanted to tell you, I'm not a telemarketer."

? "Um...that's good..."

"But I think my company can save you a lot of money on your mortgage payments."

CLICK!

Last night the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi! I can help you publicize your website the right way!"

[Laughing] "Thanks, but my site is non-commercial and number one in its field."

CLICK!

I should have just hung up on that second one, but I couldn't resist the chance to boast.

We signed up for the national do-not-call list early. Now we're receiving quite a few calls from solicitors, almost all of them refinancing companies. The Lending Company (if that's its real name) is one of the worst offenders. They call, sometimes several times a day, to let us know that we're "won" a free analysis of remortgaging our house.

I've started getting out-and-out rude out of sheer desperation. One woman was really awful; I told her that we weren't interested in refinancing and were on the national do-not-call list.

Woman: "What interest rate are you paying?"
Me: "I am NOT going to discuss that over the phone, and certainly not with you!"
Woman: "Just tell me, is it under seven percent?"
Me: "That's none of your business. Put us on your Do Not Call list now."
Woman: "But you-"
Me: "CLICK!"

They still keep calling, although I don't know if it's the same people. We've "won" prizes. Our application has been approved (but we didn't MAKE any application, of course). This is not a business call, we're just doing a survey - what interest rate are you paying on your mortgage?. Etc. etc. etc.