The Diary of A Simple Man

I feel yucky. Nauseous. I haven't eaten dinner, and I took some of Sebastian's Pepto Bismol in the hopes that I can avoid throwing up.

My sinuses have been worse than usual, and I've had weird aches and pains all over for the last few days.

Swine flu, here I come!

Well, actually, I hope not.

I was just purged by one of the people on my Flist. So I said "Fuck it!" and cleaned out my own list. First time I've ever done it, and it wasn't quite as painful as I expected. I'm plenty sick and tired of - no, wait. I'm not really sick and tired. It's just frustrating to feel that I'm writing my best, or at least pretty well, and getting less response than almost anyone else on LJ. But that's how it is. And there's no point in letting my feelings be hurt more than they have to be. People don't want to read me? People don't want to friend me back? Fine. I'll live.

That's what I do. I live.

Done. Four "friends" deleted. I'd only met one of them in person anyway.

There's one more person who hasn't friended me back. At the end of the year, he's out too. New year, a new start...why not?

I don't need to worry about this shit any more. In fact, that would be a great New Year's resolution.

I wanted to remind everyone (well, assuming that more than two people are reading this, a dubious proposition at best) that 10 of the 27 posts this month were friends-only. Including all of my fiction.

It's hard, writing for an audience of two or three. But on the plus side, yesterday I went back and read my entries for 2003, back when I started this thing. No one else may be interested, but I quite enjoyed those early entries. So...I guess that makes it worth it.

Yeah. I guess it does. And maybe the boy will read this some day.

I'm thinking about cleaning out my friends list again. There are several people who either A) never friended me back, B) have been totally inactive for many months, or C) haven't responded to my comments or posts for a long time.

So fuck 'em.

Of course, that will leave about four people on the list (reality check: actually sixteen or so), but it's not like I'm getting anything out of the people I'll cut...and apparently they're not getting anything from me.

Sometimes I hate LiveJournal. It's so damned high school, know what I mean? Normally I'd have to go move in with my parents for three months to get the infantilizing effects of three bad minutes on LJ.

Actually I'm not in a bad mood, despite the above. How could I be? I'm listening to "Rudy Can't Fail" again! :D

Note to self: I really need to find something to write about. All this whining is starting to bore even ME.

Maybe it's because Sebastian woke up feverish and vomiting two night ago.

Maybe it's because life has been particularly stressful lately, and it just doesn't seem to let up.

Maybe it's because I'm tired of making comments on people's journals and rarely getting a response.

Maybe it's because I'm tired of wondering if that lack of response is my fault somehow.

Who the fuck cares? I'm just sick of everything today.

For two cents I'd say "fuck it" and pull the plug on this stupid goddamned journal.

I don't need this bullshit.


...


It looks like I may have to spend the night in Boston...my baby boy cried for fifteen minutes when Teri told him that.

I haven't done many public entries for while; and comments on the few I've made have been virtually nil.

I feel strange.

Kind of disjointed, if that makes any sense; life isn't bad right now, but I feel nervous for no particularly reason. A little blah. I'd like to write something interesting here and get a lot of feedback, but somehow there's nothing in me. I don't like this feeling.

So this is basically stream-of-consciousness, I guess.

Shit. Time for an lj-cut, I guess. I don't need anyone bitching at me about the length of my posts today.
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Okay, something funny: My friend Steve sent me a copy of the incredibly rare National Lampoon Newspaper Parody. It's an actual newspaper (the Dacron Republican-Democrat), all the way down to advertising supplements, comics, personals, and TV guide. Unfortunately it was really printed on newspaper stock, and so is subject to acid burn. That's a real pity, because it's incredible funny.

From the TV guide: one of the shows was "Chico and the Worms & Bacteria". I still crack up whenever I think of that...but maybe that's too dependent on cultural context. Maybe it was funnier because I know that the star of "Chico and the Man" killed himself not too long before the parody was written.

Yes, that's evil and tasteless. So sue me.

My back is killing me. Sebastian had a nightmare last night, so he toddled over to our bed and climbed in. Eventually I woke up enough to get up and carry him back to his bed, but for several hours he pushed me around a lot.

And as a result this morning I have a very bad back.
* * *
Our accountant got our taxes back. The numbers look good...quite good. Now we just need to find a way to keep that money from disappearing. If so, we might be able to stop living paycheck-to-paycheck. That's a very tiring way to live.
* * *
About my birthday...it crossed my mind to ask for something. But unlike other people, there isn't much point in asking my friends here to have their friends friend me.

Excuse me.

friend friend friend friend friend friend fried freind fiend feind fined

Sorry, I just needed to get that out of my system.

Anyway, I realize that 99.997% of the people on LJ would not be interested in my journal. The truth is, I'm not interested in 99.997% of the journals that are out there, anyway. My tolerance for reading about the tempestuous and passion-filled lives of attractive young teens and tweens is extremely low, and those positions have been filled.

But if by some rare chance anybody out there knows someone funny - someone that would appeal to my particular sense of humor, twisted and dark - I'd like to know about them. It would probably help if they were born in the 60's, like me. Or maybe the 50's. The 70's are a bare possibility. The truth is, I'm kind of sick of young people...except those born in the 2000's.

Am I the only person like me in the whole world? Well, in one sense, obviously yes. In another sense, definitely no. I know of at least two or three people out there who share my own absurd sensibilities, at least in part. It's my hope that there are a few more.

Because frankly, I'm bored, and I need more stuff to read.

It's Stupid Question Time!

Today's stupid question: Should I work up some sort of "Who the hell is this loser?" self-introduction for the new people here? It would be kind of like unquietsoul5's Cast of Characters, only pathetic. :D



Okay, I have GOT to stop having so much fun with the pathos. I don't know why, but it amuses the hell out of me lately. I have a stupid grin all over my face!

I've just deleted two friends. They never friended me back, so fuck 'em.

There is now exactly ONE person left who hasn't yet friended me back. In a week, he goes too.

I'm sick of bullshit.