The Diary of A Simple Man

Sebastian had been begging to go to the beach for the last several days. Teri and I were both tired, but he was really upset.

Now, I don't know where the good beaches are in Rhode Island. I've heard of one or two on the ocean, but I don't know how to reach them - and they're not that close. I'd guess they're at least a 30-45 minute drive away. I was surprised to find that Teri was assuming that if we went to a beach, it would be Breezy Acres in Douglas MA. It's a nice lakeside beach with water slides, but it's pretty expensive; $8.50 per person per day, and $17.75 per person if you want to go on the water slides. Plus it was getting late; it was around 3pm when we discussed this, and Breezy Acres closed at 6:30.

So I resorted to Google Maps. I have the app on my new phone, and I have to say that it's amazing. In this case, I put in our home address, and then searched for "beach". All of the closest matches were businesses with "beach" in the name, of course. But I ranged further out, and found Spring Lake Beach not far away. It has a lakeside beach, an arcade, and only cost $3 per person!
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No one had, of course, so we headed back toward the car. I tried to cheer him up, telling him that I'd take him there again soon and bring more money, but he was disconsolate - in fact, he was crying. But as we trudged up the road, Teri was waving at us; she'd found the stickers! So it was a happy ending to the day after all.

We went to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey circus in Providence on Saturday. Teri hates the circus; she thinks that they're cruel to their animals. I'm afraid that she might be right. But at the same time, seeing a Russian circus was one of the more memorable moments of my childhood, and I wanted to provide that for Sebastian.

We picked up the cheapest tickets via Ticketmaster; they were $15. Teri decided that she wanted to come along too. Ticketmaster pissed me off royally by charging an additional $3.50 per ticket "convenience charge" (what the hell is convenient about that?) and $5.85 in assorted additional "screw you, we're a monopoly" fees.

That includes charging us a "delivery" fee for letting ME PRINT OUT THE TICKETS!

Ticketmaster is a monopoly and should be broken up. The executives who run it should be executed. Sorry, I might have lost my temper for a minute there.

Anyway, we went, and even though we were in the cheap seats, we had a good view of the circus. The Dunkin' Donuts Center is quite small, so even the upper-level seats get a closer view of the stage (or ice, during hockey) than you get in larger venues. We all had a lot of fun. It was a long show, close to three hours, but it was really well-done and impressive. Okay, there were some cheesy moments, yes. But circuses are primarily for kids, after all.

The one thing that bothered me and Teri was the tiger part of the show. Teri suspected that the tigers' spirits had been broken, and I could easily imagine that that was true. Sebastian was very excited to see the tigers, though.

There were more acrobatics than Teri and I had expected. Maybe B&B has been influenced by some of the new human-only circuses.

I was stunned to pay FIFTEEN DOLLARS for a snow-cone in a light-up circus cup. Stunned.

But we'll definitely go again. In the meantime, we're looking forward to seeing They Might Be Giants at a family show in Boston in May!

We went to the Rhode Island Home Show on Friday, and Sebastian got a balloon Tigger made for him. I ended up picking up a book on how to make basic balloon animals and shapes, plus a pack of balloons.

The first thing he asked me to make was a sword. It was hard as hell to blow up the balloon - they must be a special kind - but the instructions for making the sword seemed pretty straightforward.

Even so, I was surprised. I folded, pinched, and twisted - and the balloon practically exploded into a perfect sword (well, dagger) shape. Sebastian was totally delighted. He immediately had me make another one so that we could duel. After a short bout, I had a stroke of inspiration: I rubbed his sword on his head and then stuck it, magically, to the ceiling. He couldn't have been happier.

I almost forgot to post about something that I'd like to remember.

When Sebastian graduated from kindergarten, the whole class went out for lunch and ice cream at Dairy Queen. I took the day off, and Teri and I went with him. At DQ, I took a paper placemat and folded it into an origami crane (a bird, that is - not a lifting device). I suppose it was inevitable that all eleven kids immediately wanted to have their own crane.

Teri got a stack of placemats, and I spent the rest of the time folding cranes. One woman nearby (not with the group) got interested and tried to learn how to do it; I tried to teach her, but I had to stay at maximum speed in order to get everyone's done before the shuttle came back for the kids.

One of the kids gave her his crane, which was cute, and then promptly asked me for another one. They also started asking for cranes for their sisters, brothers, and parents. Fortunately Teri explained that it just wasn't possible for me to fold so many.

In fact, I didn't even have enough time to fold enough cranes for all the kids! So I stayed at DQ after the kids left, folded several more, and then took them all to the school. There were just exactly enough.

I wonder what their parents thought of those cranes?

I think Sebastian and I will be going to the Cambridge River Festival tomorrow. Is anyone else going?

My solution to VectorPark's "Levers".



I wish they'd do some new stuff.

Today is a good day to be in Boston. Everybody is happy and smiling. As I walked over to Dunkin' Donuts to grab a bucketload of coffee for the office, I glanced over at Fenway Park and grinned.

And I'm about as uninterested in sports as a straight man can be.

Here's something that drifts in and out of my mind every so often when I'm doing a particular everyday activity. You might put it in the form of a riddle:

Under what circumstances is this equation true?

40 = 0

Now, I'll admit that this is ridiculously difficult, because I haven't given you enough information. So I'll write an easier equation in white text below. Ctrl-A or click, hold and drag across the area below to see it.

60 + 40 = 60

I'm sure someone (maybe everyone) will get this, but if not I'll see if I can come up with a still easier equation...and in any case, I'll post the answer in a week.

This game was fun, and to my amazement I actually won. Which didn't seem very accurate or realistic.